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A Real Negaholic

from Absurd To Wake by The Ugly Facade

/

lyrics

How much damage did I do?
It’s hard to think about
They tell me not to but I do
And it fills me full of dread and doubt

If the glass was half empty
I’d drink until the glass was dry
I’m a real negaholic
To the ones that never think about why

I think I’m trying to live longer
But it’s taking everything I have
To learn a way to be stronger
In a place that makes me feel so bad

I took all I could take
And then I took some more
And my only mistake
Was not dying on the fucking floor

And I don’t know what I have
And I don’t know what I lack
And I don’t know what I lost
And I don’t know if I can get it back

Optimism is a fucking vice
That kills the revolution of the heart
The voice that tells you you belong here
If only you can stand to play your part

And it's a farce that I just can’t believe
To pretend to be ok
Is a betrayal to the part of me
That still thinks there’s another way

Life is just a series of mistakes
And I don't know if I can make one more
I don't know if I have what it takes
To be of use to you anymore

I'd like to think that there's an answer to
The sheer insanity
And that it's not all just the helter-skelter
Of an unfulfilled American dream

I took all I could take
And then I took some more
And my only mistake
Was not dying on the fucking floor

And I don’t know what I have
And I don’t know what I lack
And I don’t know what I lost
And I don’t know if I can get it back

credits

from Absurd To Wake, released October 6, 2023
Based on a song called "Told The Soul" by Matt Anderson who did a lot of the drums on As Written. We recorded and arranged the demo at my house at the height of the mortgage crisis while I was making AWBAMOTDMC. I loved the tone and the things we had laid down. A few years later, I wanted to finish the song for Sinking Anthems, and I asked if I could use it. He said yes, but I was still too fucked up to make it my own. This song is not the original song. I might not be that same person. This song belongs on this record though, and I found it healing to work out what it became.

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The Ugly Facade

We live our lives in boxes, with little glowing screens. We fill our blood with toxins, so we can deal with things. And sometimes, more than often, the bitter masks the taste. The fruitless failed reflection: what if it's all a waste?

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