The Wizard of Not

by The Ugly Facade

supported by
Seamlus M. Tpyare (shameless empire)
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Seamlus M. Tpyare (shameless empire) Just another great example of what hard work can accomplish. The entire album is awesome, still not as good as "As Written by a Member of the Dying Middle Class" but damn good anyway. Favorite track: Vice Versa Vinci.
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about

Abstract

My work explores faith structures and relationships between technology and the mystical, the occult, the spiritual, and the existential. In this small collection, I have created a short Tarot deck, and a series of poetry, lyrics, and an album of music. My intervention in this ancient card set is to create a narrative out of what is traditionally a chance operation. In doing so, I hope to create a step-by-step guide toward personal enlightenment, or spiritual health.
A note to the reader: The archival object of this work will differentiate from a traditional page-by-page book. This document is for the purposes of reading the overarching text.

Introduction
The Tarot is a playing card game that is thought to have been developed in Western Europe during the 15th century. The card deck is usually composed of a set of 56 Minor Arcana cards and a set of 22 Major Arcana cards. The Minor Arcana contain four suits of 14 cards a piece, much like modern poker cards; wands, cups, blades, and coins. The Major Arcana are a set of trump cards, usually numbered from 0 to 21, illustrating different characters and symbolism. While the cards were originally used for games, the Tarot has also been used as a divination, or fortune-telling device, for centuries. Tarot cards are filled with imagery that has been interpreted, reinterpreted and reinvented since their inception.

The Major Arcana numbering is likened to the Ouroboros; as in, the beginning is the end is the beginning. The process of their numbering for me is circular. Each time I read through this cycle, I have either regressed, evolved, or stayed the same. This is a metaphor of the circle of life, and thus, the process is never over. Each time I examine the cards, I see my progression through them with fresh eyes, carrying new concerns and experiences. In each read, my interpretation is different. In each life, I bring forth new eyes.

I have a fascination with the occult because of my give-and-take, up-and-down relationship with religion, recovery, and spiritualism. I have always been a seeker, trying to find an answer to my perpetual dissatisfaction with myself, and with life. I am constantly asking the big existential questions, and trying to find an answer. When you throw shit against the wall and nothing sticks for so long, it begs the question: why keep going? Try, fail, try, fail, look for god and fail again. But I am endlessly fascinated with what is possible in this world in a metaphysical sense, wondering about the situational configuration of people, places and things. I have the gall to make art. Maybe even to try my hand as a medium. This is what I was given by some weird mutated contract with the universe.
My relationship with technology is like my relationship with the mystical and spiritual world. I am fascinated by technology’s possibility to help the world. I’m also endlessly frustrated with the constant need to catch up to it, jaded by its seemingly planned obsolescence. We buy our devices, bitch about them, throw them away, and then praise them and buy them again trying to resolve an imagined problem.
To combine these things, the mystical arts and technology, I feel is a powerful, if futile, gesture, especially for an expressionist and an existentialist. It speaks loudly to my heart. I am looking for a way to heal myself by some universal energy. In creating this, I’m shining a light on a weird dichotomy between our need for a belief in the divine and our need for technological progress. Both of these needs are vagaries I may never know, but when it comes to the mystical arts, and even art itself, I don’t have to justify never knowing.
The Tarot is a way to frame what I really want to experience: An oracle that isn’t just a chance operation, but a story and a step-by-step guide. A way to create a paradigm shift, validating my faith in the divine or the strangeness of coincidence in order to get healthy—mentally, physically, spiritually.
Tarot’s inherent power is utterly dependent on one’s own perception or belief. The twenty two power suits, or trumps, reflect a different set of related characteristics that—depending on the way they are dealt—provide a look at the past, present and future. These cards are a way to use image, art, voice, or writing to bring about a life-altering response. I am intervening this ancient system.
Skepticism is part of a highly technological and scientific world. To bring a spark of wonder into a highly skeptical mind is its own reward. But skepticism is a necessary part of mysticism. There is no right or wrong in divination to me. No argument against the skeptic or the faithful. The goal is stimulus. The goal is wonder. The power of the images in Tarot comes from the inlaid symbolism that ultimately combines years of trauma, love, sadness, and knowledge into a deck that can read a fortune.
My series of custom Arcana reflect what’s come before from centuries of crafted cards. They are a small beginning to developing my own divination techniques, and a journey toward health. For my purposes, I have reinterpreted the Major Arcana in the spirit of a narrative story. A personal journey. My own self-help book. The hierarchical nature of the numbering of each arcanum suggests a progression toward ultimate spiritual enlightenment.

I have kept the numbering structure the same, but have replaced the common imagery and common names of each Arcanum. For each card, I’ve used keywords to create the illustrations. The Arcana names and their keywords are as follows:

0. nothing -Beginning, Spontaneity, Faith, Apparent Folly
1. will -Action, Conscious Awareness, Concentration, Power
2. purity - NonAction, Unconscious Awareness, Potential, Mystery
3. protection - Motherhood, Abundance, Senses, Nature
4. power - Fatherhood, Structure, Authority, Regulation
5. entitlement - Education, Belief Systems, Conformity, Group Identification
6. creation - Relationship, Sexuality, Personal Beliefs, Values
7. vessel - Victory, Will, Self-Assertion, Hard Control
8. orgasm - Strength, Patience, Compassion, Soft Control
9. home - Introspection, Searching, Guidance, Solitude
10. balance - Destiny, Turning Point, Movement, Personal Vision
11. desire - Justice, Responsibility, Decision, Cause and Effect
12. martyr - Letting Go, Reversal, Suspension, Sacrifice
13. survival - Ending, Transition, Elimination, Inexorable Forces
14. change - Temperance, Balance, Health, Combination
15. arrogance - Bondage, Materialism, Ignorance, Hopelessness
16. impulse - Sudden Change, Release, Downfall, Revelation
17. energy - Hope, Inspiration, Generosity, Serenity
18. darkness - Fear, Illusion, Imagination, Bewilderment
19. possibility - Enlightenment, Greatness, Vitality, Assurance
20. light - Judgment, Rebirth, Inner Calling, Absolution
21. everything - Integration, Accomplishment, Involvement, Fulfillment

Included on each card is my own expanded interpretive reading for the card, and a small abstract passage beneath the reading. I have used Bibliomancy—an ancient divination technique whereby a Diviner chooses a passage, or multiple passages in a book at random to predict an outcome—to produce these poetic or abstract passages related to the card reading. In these abstract passages, I have tried to mimic the randomized nature of Tarot reading. They offer more density to the card for whoever may want to delve further into interpreting it.

Included with the cards are twenty two songs and the lyrics for each song. Each card has a song related to it, but for the purposes of preserving the dynamics of a musical record, the ordering of the music is not tied to the ordering of the Tarot. I have purposely chosen specific songs to relate to specific cards because of their lyrics or mood.

Housing the deck and the album is a box inscribed with sacred symbolism. Tarot is believed to be related to ancient Egyptian and Hebrew imagery and storytelling, to Astrology, and to sacred geometry, so it is only fitting that their box reflect the occult symbolism that most Tarot decks have always implemented. The box is an occult object itself, harkening to a mystical form of technology known as Radionics.

Radionics was developed by Albert Abrams in the early 20th century as a way to read and interpret certain energies within people in order to heal or affect specific outcomes by using machines. Whether the machines functioned on a scientific or medical level has been debated, but the technology itself is more akin to the occult and divination than the hard science we know in the western world. These machines were a way to tap into the unseen, undiscovered energies of our universe and of our Earth. I site Radionics as a system where new technology tries to mesh with old belief systems. The 19th century seemed to create a crisis where traditional, spiritual and occult practices were being upturned by science and technology. I primarily site this, because it was a technology used for intent, much like old divination techniques, to help heal and guide.

I believe the intent of this piece is purely expression, but the subtext is that it can be used with intent. The cryptic nature of any mystical object allows a certain level of fluidity, and in that spirit I have purposely left out a set of instructions for use. The divination—or the way to read the cards— should be left up to the reader. Though I want to stick to a certain amount of similarity between traditional Tarot cards and this short deck, I have laid these cards out in a linear fashion, trying to convey a progression toward enlightenment, with the assumption that if someone wanted to use them in a non-linear way, they could.

This is God's picture book. One can look into the mirror, but no one can write the reflection. These Arcana are chess pieces to be moved, or a book to be read, according to their own order. 22 elements upon a checkered board with no boundaries, or a boundless book to help guide your way.

The wand, the cup, the blade and coin are all within my reach.

credits

released April 13, 2018

Written & Produced by Jeremiah Johnson

Drums on "Don't Be Light" & "Here Be Dragons" - Martin Higman
Vocals on "The Pyre" - Laine Parkinson
Guitars on "The Pyre" & "S.O.S." - Thomas Brady
Bass on "S.O.S." - Jason De La Rosa
Guitars on "Curse of Conscousness" - Chriss Sutherland
Guitars on "Luciferian Dilemma" - Clay Schroeder

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The Ugly Facade Texas

We live our lives in boxes, with little glowing screens. We fill our blood with toxins, so we can deal with things. And sometimes, more than often, the bitter masks the taste. The fruitless failed reflection: what if it's all a waste?

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Track Name: Modern Man
0.nothing

Beginning

Spontaneity

Faith

Apparent Folly

MODERN MAN
in another world
i could be the best
but in this one
i am just a little world obsessed
i’m a modern man
with a lust for death
in a modern world
that’s just a little world obsessed
in a modern world
that’s just a little world obsessed

wait for signs but sign away
grew to scoff remain to pray
pray the voices were the one
pray in one hand, shit in one

wish i was a better man
wish i didn’t, wish i can
wish i didn’t come to scoff
wish i could just turn it off

wish it all could be undone
wish in one hand shit in one
wish in one hand shit in one

and I know it's a curse
on reflection
and I just can't seem to relieve or cure
the obsession

i'm a modern man
with a lust for death
in a modern world
that's just too fucking world-obsessed

and i'm just a clown
putting on a show
I'm a punchline to a joke that died
ten years ago
Track Name: The Pyre
1.will

Action

Conscious Awareness

Concentration

Power

THE PYRE
count the boys against the wind and see which one you love the most
weigh the saint against the sin the father son and holy ghost
burn the we before to ash and fetch the gas to fuel the fire
then we'll drink the bitter mash and throw the bottle the pyre

i forsake my savior

once upon a time a boy extended hand to save your life
what did you do?
what did you do?
i'm calling you
i'm calling you
defend

then the boy withdrew and suddenly he didn't hinge on you
what did you do?
what did you do?
i'm calling you
i'm calling you

i'm calling you
i'm calling you
i'm calling you
i'm calling you

a curse on you
a curse on you
a curse on you
a curse on you
defend

count the boys against the wind and see which one you love the most
weigh the saint against the sin the father son and holy ghost
burn the we before to ash and fetch the gas to fuel the fire
then we'll drink the bitter mash and throw the bottle the pyre

i forsake my savior

in time i will forget my faith to fuel the fire
upon it i will burn the corpse of my desires
do what thou wilt beelzebub the fool the agony
what once was nothing nothing now until you cease to be

in time i will forget my faith to fuel the fire
upon it i will burn the corpse of my desires
the wand the cup the blade the coin are all within my reach
create preserve destroy redeem i am the bigger beast

i am the bigger beast
i am the bigger beast
i am the bigger beast
i am the bigger beast
Track Name: Wounded Animals
2.purity

NonAction

Unconscious Awareness

Potential

Mystery

WOUNDED ANIMALS
INSTRUMENTAL
Track Name: S.O.S.
3.protection

Motherhood

Abundance

Senses

Nature

S.O.S.
poison chosen for the cure
monkey crawling up his back
only thing he knew for sure
fooled and failed and blood turned black

and by the time he figured out
the rules he'd never once reject
were fictions told by crooked mouths
they'd sunk their teeth into his neck

poised and muscled for the change
but unprepared to deal with none
lick the devil's cup again
perhaps in time the change will come

and by the time he loved himself
the god of gaps had turned the page
the book was closed and on the shelf
the story fell apart with age

poised and muscled for the change
and unprepared to deal with none
and as the story ends
perhaps in time we all stop singing

the same old song
we'll rise again
we'll rise again

lay me down
i'll rise again
i'll rise again

hanged and drawn and torn apart
by social contracts and control
the sum of all my bloodied parts
worth more than i was ever whole

take me down below the hill
put the rifle to my head
sing the song our father's sang
say the prayers our fathers said

no one leaves this place alive
so let's hurry this along
i'll rise and rise and rise again

till we're tired of singing…

the same old song
we'll rise again
we'll rise again

lay me down
i'll rise again
i'll rise again
Track Name: The Hydra's Head
4.power

Fatherhood

Structure

Authority

Regulation

THE HYDRA'S HEAD
The King is dead,
The Hydra's head,
is buried at his side.
A reckless man,
Without a plan,
The Hydra will decide.

Too big to die,
The monster lies,
to grow another head.
And every Knight,
that's called to fight,
is broken, bought, or fled.

Or with their King lay dead.

And now our land,
is in their hands,
The fight is all for naught.
And by design,
should we resign,
from all the killing sought?

The fight is all for naught.

The Hydra fed,
regains a head,
And so on goes the war.
And one by one,
He eats our sons,
until his belly sore.

And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
And so on goes the war.
Track Name: Words
5.expectation

Education

Belief Systems

Conformity

Group Identification

WORDS

The words they help but only me.
What I will say will never be
Good enough to clear the shit.
Shit on my shoulders I try to forget.
What's left behind bound to regret.
Words are all I have now.

Your lies are the same.
The self concentric game.
I think.
I dream.
I am important.

Yeah? But what if you're not?
Track Name: The Curse of Consciousness
6.creation

Relationship

Sexuality

Personal Beliefs

Values

CURSE OF CONSCIOUSNESS
we begin
and we’re expelled from the garden of eden
and sin
is punished by the weakening of our new skin


the winter will come by the time that our baby grows
we’ll freeze if we don’t find a shelter before it snows
and surely we’re cursed in the lands laid ahead of us
to wait for the rain and to toil in the cursed dust
and where is the one who conceived then abandoned us

   

the winters will come by the time our baby grows
and we’ll freeze if we don’t find shelter before it snows
as sure as we’re lost in the lands laid ahead of us
as sure as the winds and the costs will carry dust

yeah
i say unto thee
our father has forsaken me
yeah
i say unto thee
our father has forgotten me


and am I in hell?
and am I in heaven?
if i can find him again
if i can find him again

then i’ll never be alone
then i’ll never be marooned

then i’ll never be alone
then i’ll never be marooned
Track Name: Been Thru This
7.vessel

Victory

Will

Self-Assertion

Hard Control

BEEN TROUGH THIS
been through this before
the shakes come with the sun
sick as sin and thin as skin
when everything has just begun

i’m working on working things out

i’m working on working things out

i’m working on working things out again

i’m working on working things out

been through this before
i can’t sleep on my back
wake to heat and soaking sheets
and everything is turning black

i’m working on working things out

i’m working on working things out

i’m working on working things out again

i’m working on working things out
Track Name: Ropes Of A Few
8.desire

Justice

Responsibility

Decision

Cause and Effect

ROPES OF A FEW
how long can you accept me?
how long can you deny me?
how long can you resent me?
and gently lay beside me

is this all?
is this all you really want me for?
is this all?
is this all you want me for?

we keep our baggage steady
we fire at the ready
the kisses made so sweetly
but all the words urn deeply

is this all?
is this all you really want me for?
is this all?
is this all you want me for?

is this all?
is this everything you want me for?
is this all?
is this all you want me for?

i tell my story and you claim you've read it
i'd conquer rome and you'd call it pathetic
stack me against all the ones who abuse
hanging the world on the ropes of a few

i tell my story and you claim you've read it
i'd conquer rome and you'd call it pathetic
stack me against all the ones who abuse
hanging the world on the ropes of a few
Track Name: Vice Versa Vinci
9.home

Introspection

Searching

Guidance

Solitude

VICE VERSA VINCI
is there a point to all this?
to play the broken man
to run the pity party
to fail at every plan?

so aimless, and so jaded
so difficult to see
to be so isolated?


is there reward in all this?
to be the broken one
to be the paper hearted
so crumpled up and done

so cynical, so jaded
so lost in all the fog
to be so isolated…

you want to blame the layers
who lay you out your fare
who tempt you with desire
and let you eat your share

so glutted, yet so empty
consuming everything
but never satiated…

AND YOU
YOU GOT ALL of it.
YOU GOT PERFECT ID.
YOU GOT PUMPED UP BIG.
WHILE I GOT SO DEFLATED.
and you

and i’m so isolated

you worry about the future
you wallow in the past
you think you’ll find the potion
that makes the feeling last

you wander in the forest
comparing all the trees
you see them all as separate
but that’s just your disease
you got that screw loose baby

you think
this one has more
that one has less
and goddamn i could have that
or i could have this
if only i wasn’t me
and i was more like
YOU
YOU GOT  ALL OF IT.
YOU GOT PERFECTED.
YOU GOT PUMPED UP BIG.
WHILE I GOT SO DEFLATED.
and you

AND YOU
YOU GOT EVERYTHING
YOU WERE PLAINLY SEEN
YOU ACHIEVED YOUR DREAMS
WHILE I JUST ISOLATED

we’ll meet you at the bottom
and help you dig in stride
we’ll bring you every bottle
we love your suicide
we are the voices baby
we keep you so fucked up
we keep you isolated

THERE IS A POINT TO ALL THIS
YOU’RE NOT THAT BROKEN BABE
YOU CAN STILL BE A PART OF
OR YOU CAN ISOLATE

YOU CAN STILL BE A PART OF
OR VICE VERSA
VICE VERSA
VINCI
Track Name: My Heroine
10. balance

Destiny

Turning Point

Movement

Personal Vision

MY HEROINE
i love you i know what you’re going through
in time all things will pass away
it only lasts as long as you want it to
and surely there will come a day

at first i am the chosen one
except i don’t know who they chose
the christ of grandiosity
the buddha of the self imposed

desire burns me like an enemy
and train-wrecks every train of thought
the tracks are swollen in the agony
the steel it seems is overwrought

to search to loss, to only search again
to wait for some release on high
the damsel jonesing for his heroine
the heart is calling to the sky

and should she swoop down in the aftermath
she’d weep for what she’d surely find
a broken man whose heart is made of glass
whose tears are surely made of wine

i shed in agony
so pour yourself over me
i shed this old me in agony
so open up and cover me

and i’ll never be alone

the beast we send to calm the beast
the hands we lend on froze accounts
the bear we bait to entertain
will only ever pin us down

the spell we cast to quell the storm
the thoughts and prayers we try to send
the levee meant to break the tide
will only ever let it in

i love you i know what you’re going through
in time all things will pass away
it only lasts as long as you want it to
and surely there will come a day

faster than a bullet
leaping tall bounds
she pours over me
my heroine
Track Name: Don't Be Light
11.orgasm

Strength

Patience

Compassion

Soft Control

DON’T BE LIGHT
when should the savior start to boast
when should the choir boy slit throats
when should the bastard praise the son
when should the sad girl have some fun

when should we try to rip the threads
break the cocoon but emerge dead
when should we sate the bad ideas//grandiose
when should we face delusions

pick yourself up, dust the dirt…

pick your battles, scorch the earth…

when should the victim stand back up
when will the damsel have enough    
they still got the better shit
they still got the bigger stick
they may never let you

DON’T BE LIGHT. DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO TOUCH THE SKY AND KISS THE SUN.
MAKE IT rain HEAVY.
DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO EVERYONE.
Don’t be light. THE PAIN IS SO SEVERE YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE.

but pain is a tricky little bitch.
so don’t be light.

don’t be light.

I BELIEVE in YOU, LIKE i believe IN EVERY OTHER BROKEN one.

and there’s more than just us.
and they sit home alone.
and they binge on their shit.
and they talk about change, but can’t muster to get it done.

and they’re coming in droves.
lining up at the door.
and they see the facade.
and they don’t want a lot,
and they know that there’s something more.

DON’T BE LIGHT. DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO TOUCH THE SKY AND KISS THE SUN.
MAKE IT rain HEAVY.
DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO EVERYONE.

DON’T BE LIGHT. DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO TOUCH THE SKY AND KISS THE SUN.
Pull your trigger.
DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO EVERYONE.

and you’re coming in droves.
lining up at the door.
and you see the facade.
and you don’t want a lot, but you know that there’s got
to be
something more.
Track Name: Tears Of Eros
12.martyr

Letting Go

Reversal

Suspension

Sacrifice

TEARS OF EROS
tear me down til i collapse
tomb unopened martyr trapped
mother daughter lover born
nullify what you have sworn
but who will save you?

i fade these lines
lies are ever mine
secrets kept and courtesies extended to swine
i bring you life
drain the river dry
swallow til the morning comes then bid me goodbye

tears of eros by the cup
nothing works to wake me up
break me open i am numb
lonely lustful devildom!
but who will save you?

i fade these lines
lies are ever mine
secrets kept and courtesies extended to swine
i bring you life
drain the river dry
swallow til the morning comes then bid me goodbye
Track Name: Femur (our children)
13.survival

Ending

Transition

Elimination

Inexorable Forces

FEMUR
fortune favors lies and cheats
devils write our histories
we’re carpet bombing overseas
so babies grow up      enemies

and every word we type to gain
some sense of worth and kill the pain
is just another nail
into the coffin
of our own disease

a retrograde amnesia
a local anesthesia
a tumor on a bell curve, thought plateaued until a seizure

disintegrating system
built on a gaping schism
a gap filled up by all the trinkets of commercialism

fortune favors lies and cheats
devils write our histories
money isn't everything
but that's what they have you believe

oh such a clever primate
use up the world then migrate
should your invention save you, seems as though you’d only violate

a virus to be ridden
a cure we’re sure is hidden
shortsighted to survive, we kill the host we’ve overridden

our driving force so garish
look what we seem to cherish
the world about to spit us out we think we cannot perish

if god is in the creases
then we're a landfill species
i'd rather fold than pile on another million pieces

fortune favors lies and cheats
devils write our histories
money isn't everything
but that's what they have you believe

fortune favors lies and cheats
devils write our histories
money isn't everything
but that's what they'd have you believe

our situation dour
we’ll find a higher power
we’ll shed responsibility upon the closing hour

we steal our final kisses
opposed to final wishes
in faith we drink the river dry until we sleep with fishes

hope that you feel like i did
used up and so misguided
hope that you see the consequence of things that you’ve decided

hope this concoction cures you
hope revelation pures you
hope you are blinded by the ever loving light of virtue

our situation dour
we’ll find a higher power
we’ll shed responsibility upon the closing hour

we steal our final kisses
opposed to final wishes
in faith we drink the river dry until we sleep with fishes

OUR CHILDREN --outro
==============================
toppled empires, western faiths
heartless leeches, circling wraiths
plastic gravestones, flooded homes
floating waste the size of rome

billboard pulpit, headline kings
propaganda marketing
languages and memories
all reprogrammed by machines

legacies should lie in blood
nurtured by undying love
focus on the little ones
push should never come to shove

raise them up without regret
armored car and safety net
on their shoulders rests the debt
funny how we soon forget

and when you close your eyelids
hope that you feel like i did
hope that you see the consequence of things that you’ve decided
Track Name: Diligent Nothing
14.change

Temperance

Balance

Health

Combination

DILIGENT NOTHING
devil out the yard
no real scars
just a bad shade of purple
around my heart

no leading man
no big plan
member of a cult
that i don’t understand

wanna be great
wanna be a saint
wannabe
wanna be something i ain’t

armchair activist
window shopper
cold war hero
backseat driver
full grown baby
and a dead beat dad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad

there’s a time and a place for it
and the time ain’t now and this place looks like shit
so get up, get on, get away with it
you won’t know what you got till you’re over it

wanna be a man
wanna be grand  
wannabe
wanna be outta the sand

armchair activist
window shopper
cold war hero
backseat driver
full grown baby
and a dead beat dad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad
a diligent nothing
and a quart low sad
Track Name: Luciferian Dilemma
15.rebellion

Bondage

Materialism

Ignorance

Hopelessness

LUCIFERIAN DILEMMA
praying prone
before the sun
wanting a home
wanting a son
wanting a life beyond
and i think it might be out there waiting.

praying prone
before the throne
wanting a dad
wanting a home
wanting a life beyond
and i think it might be out there waiting

recalling my crimes
my faith dissolved
keep pain alive
it will resolve
cast it aside for now
but i know the callings out there waiting for me.

wasting time
amidst the fall
recalling my crimes
you had the gall
lost all my love for you
but i’ll bet there’s something down there for me

father no more
divorce the son
crimes of war
i’m not the one
i never was for you
and i think the monkeys might just like me
more than you

be my virgil.
there is one out there waiting.

WASTING TIME

OH GOD,

toiled with job
tussled with john
tried to help your favorite son
least i didn’t give up on him
but it looks like he was just too stubborn

MORE THAN YOU
Track Name: Here Be Dragons
16.impulse

Sudden Change

Release

Downfall

Revelation

HERE BE DRAGONS
lock yourself up inside your tower
ponder the time it took to build
each stone a tribute to your power
lost now in all the blood you’ve spilled

gone now the consequence of love

locked up and face down in your tower
smaller the sound of every breath
follow the staircase to the coward
hoping to slumber into death

here lies the king of cups who couldn’t let the dragon sleep
face down in a tower of sighs and broken dreams

you won’t let it
you won’t forget
you won’t stop sitting there picking on it
you won’t let it
you just can’t quit
you’re just not sick enough of sitting in shit
you won’t let it
you won’t forget
you won’t stop sitting there picking on it
you won’t let it
you just can’t quit
you’re just not sick enough of sitting in shit

never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die

locked up inside a crumbling tower
each breath a gift that you could use
wasted with every passing hour
weakened in all the things you choose

here lies the king of cups who couldn’t let the dragon sleep
face down in a tower of sighs and broken dreams

you won’t let it
you won’t forget
you won’t stop sitting there picking on it
you won’t let it
you just can’t quit
you’re just not sick enough of sitting in shit
you won’t let it
you won’t forget
you won’t stop sitting there picking on it
you won’t let it
you just can’t quit
you’re just not sick enough of sitting in shit

never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
never gonna get it so you won’t try
never gonna get it so you might as well die
Track Name: Cuts You Up Slow
17.energy

Hope

Inspiration

Generosity

Serenity

CUTS YOU UP
INSTRUMENTAL                                                                                      
Track Name: Monster
18.darkness

Fear

Illusion

Imagination

Bewilderment

MONSTER    
INSTRUMENTAL
Track Name: My Heroine (version)
19.possibility

Enlightenment

Greatness

Vitality

Assurance

MY HEROINE
i love you i know what you’re going through
in time all things will pass away
it only lasts as long as you want it to
and surely there will come a day

at first i am the chosen one
except i don’t know who they chose
the christ of grandiosity
the buddha of the self imposed

desire burns me like an enemy
and train-wrecks every train of thought
the tracks are swollen in the agony
the steel it seems is overwrought

to search to loss, to only search again
to wait for some release on high
the damsel jonesing for his heroine
the heart is calling to the sky

and should she swoop down in the aftermath
she’d weep for what she’d surely find
a broken man whose heart is made of glass
whose tears are surely made of wine

i shed in agony
so pour yourself over me
i shed this old me in agony
so open up and cover me

and i’ll never be alone

the beast we send to calm the beast
the hands we lend on froze accounts
the bear we bait to entertain
will only ever pin us down

the spell we cast to quell the storm
the thoughts and prayers we try to send
the levee meant to break the tide
will only ever let it in

i love you i know what you’re going through
in time all things will pass away
it only lasts as long as you want it to
and surely there will come a day

faster than a bullet
leaping tall bounds
she pours over me
my heroine
Track Name: Iaceo
20.light

Judgment

Rebirth

Inner Calling

Absolution

IACEO
we saw them crawling up the shoreline
we watched them slither silent up the sand
we only wished that we had more time
They speak a language we can't understand

Our fathers spoke of ancient demons
Our mothers beg us open up our hearts
We'll know their nature when we greet them
we pray that they won't tear us all apart

run to you
run from you
Track Name: Imbiguado: A Space Odyssey
21.everything

Integration

Accomplishment

Involvement

Fulfillment

IMBIGUADO: a space odyssey
mastermind
riding on the thinning lips of relevance

digitized
nothing real and nothing of significance

little screens
everyone’s a martyr and a superstar

little means
even jesus couldn’t get the right pr

i am not enough
i am just a drop in this
i am just a ripple
can you see me?

hard to cry
hard to feel alive inside a place like this

how can i
pretend to feel ok when i just don’t exist

i can find a way
i can find a way
i can find a way
to be enough for me
for you
for us

modestly
i’ll fade into the ether and fade happily

honestly
impressing you’s the worst thing i could ever be

i am enough
i am enough
      
laugh inside
this was just a moment in eternity

terrified
what to do, now that i have accepted me?